I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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