Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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