FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
