Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
