Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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