My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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