the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
