I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
