Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
