I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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