I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
