His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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