how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
