Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize