Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
