I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
