Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
