I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
