Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
