i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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