Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
