All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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