Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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