I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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