i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
