Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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