I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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