we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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