the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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