Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
