just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
