I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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