i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
