i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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