we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize