I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
