Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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