first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
