I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
