So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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