just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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