Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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