just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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