it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
