Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
