Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
