THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
