Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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