butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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