That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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