Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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