My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
