My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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