What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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