i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
