it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
