Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
