when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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