That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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