eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
