..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
