the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
