im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
