I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
