i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize