I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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