thus making me awesome and them whores
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
