I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
