At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to calm my uterus...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
