so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
