Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
