He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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