9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
