I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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